ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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