EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
