It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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