Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
