Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
