I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
