This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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