I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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