Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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