If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
