he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
