is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
