i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
