ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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