Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
