Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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