That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
COCAINE IS GR8
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
