Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
