I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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