We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
