Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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