I puked a lego.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
