dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
