They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
