I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
