thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Help me help you realize you are a moron
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
