she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
