I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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