I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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