I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
