I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
