My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
