Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
