meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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