I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
