he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Randomize
