who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
