we have officially lost it.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My balls are so social today.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
