mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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