she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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