I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
