I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
