I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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