Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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