we have officially lost it.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
