I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
