Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
