The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
