I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
