yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
